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296 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
`Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding,
As I sat at the work bench, quite busy reloading.
The empties from autumn were polished so clear
For primers and powder, and bullets from Speer.

And Hornady's XTP's, and Nosler's Partitions
My bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!
All sat in their boxes, right next to the press
With dies from Dillon and RCBS.

When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
I grabbed for my Benelli and slammed home the bolt.
I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf
as I scrambled for cover, just to protect myself.

From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting
Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's cavorting!
I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto
With 3” Magnums, I'd knock 'em all blotto.

Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer and Reno?
Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of Beano?
My question was answered with a knock, and some sneezing,
"It's Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm freezing!"

I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door wide,
To find St. Nick a'shivvering, Rudolph by his side
He eyeballed my Mark 23, with a nod of approval,
"You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."

"But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you
Or persecute, prosecute or even disarm you."
Instead, dear Santa said, I need to borrow
Your high cap USP, 'till day after tomorrow

"It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration.
"I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association."
He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
"I've had this since me and the missus were dating!"

"And you see, Gayle ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous
Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to serve us.
So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents a 'stackin'
I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'"

"And my gift for you this year, should give you a hoot,
I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the boot!
Now, Rudy and I must be on our way,"
He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his sleigh.

With the reins in his hand, and my USP in his pocket,
He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a rocket.
With a pair of mags, and ammo to spare
I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear.

As he faded from view, I could still hear him calling
"From Washington D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling,
To bad guys in L.A., Denver and Atlanta,
I'm licensed to carry. So don't be messin' with Santa!"

Be Safe

8,240 Posts
Priceless! Thank you for sharing!

24 Posts
Well done!!!

Here's one from a retired navy guy I used to work with...

Navy - Night Before Christmas

Author Unknown

'Twas the night before Christmas, compartments were still, The sailors were sleeping, as most sailors will.

The ditty bags hung by the lockers with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The men were all peacefully dreaming in bed As visions of liberty danced in each head.

The Chief in his skivvies, hopped into his rack, Having just came from town and a quick midnight snack.

When out on the deck there arose such a roar, I ran to the porthole to find out the score.

I stuck out my head and started to shout, "Just what in the world is this noise all about?"

A moon made for boondocking showed with a glow, It was downright cold out, 'bout seven below.

What I saw out there looked like those Mardi Gras floats, 'Twas a Captain's gig drawn by four white Navy goats.

In the boat was a man who seemed quiet and moody, I knew in an instant St. Nick had the duty.

As quickly as Monday his billy goats came, He whistled and shouted and called them by name.

"Now Perry, now Farragut, Dewey and Jones, What's the matter John Paul, got lead in your bones?

A little to Starb'rd, now hold it up short, No fluffing off now, or you'll go on report!"

He was wearing dress "Reds" that fit like a charm, His hash marks they covered the length of his arm.

The gifts to be issued were all in his pack, The gedunk was ready to leave on each rack.

His eyes they were watering, his nose caked with ice, He wiped it with canvass, then sneezed once or twice.

He opened his mouth and started to yawn, It looked like the Sun coming up with the dawn.

The stump of a pipe, he held tight in his teeth, And took a small nip from a bottle beneath.

He wasn't so big, but he must have been strong, I figured he'd been in SEALs early and long.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old Tar, Who said "Evenin' Matey, here - have a cigar."

He filled every seabag with presents galore, And left us all leave papers, right by the door.

With "Anchors Aweigh" he climbed back into place, A broad smile was creeping all over his face.

One look at his watch and he started to frown, "This mid watch is certainly getting me down."

Then out to the breakwater and into the night, The gig started fading, the landscape was bright.

"Merry Christmas" he said, as he drove on his way, "Now I'll finish my rounds and sack in for the day."

221 Posts
here's a song I wrote in college for my fraternity. they still sing this year's later:

Viking Men
To the tune of Jingle Bells

Dashing thru the town, Our firebrands burning bright,
Striking foemen down, Setting things alight,
Swords on axes ring, Making spirits bright,
What fun it is to laugh and sing, a slaying song tonight!

We’re Viking men, Viking men, plundering your shore,
Another dragon ship sails in discharging twenty more,
Viking men, Viking men, victorious evermore,
Shouting out our battle cries from those olde days of yore!

See your harbor fair, Filled with our dragon ships,
See men with flame-red hair, And drool on bearded lips,
We come at break of day, To depredate your land,
And then, when we have gone away, No unburnt building stands.
(Chorus- Second line is “Another… discharging forty more”)

We’re carrying away, Whatever we admire,
Your forces to delay, We’ve set the rest on fire.
With you we’ve had our will, And varied was your cost,
We sacked the stronghold on the hill, And all your gold was lost!
(Chorus-Second line is “Another… discharging eighty more”)

There is one simple way, To keep us from your shore,
If you’ll but Danegeld pay,
(As insincerely as possible) We’ll be your “Friends” once more
This act you will not rue, you’ll have no cause for fear,
(pause a beat for effect, then loudly)
Until the next installment’s due, When we come back next year!
(Chorus- second line is:
A fleet of dragon ships sails in discharging thousands more!)
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